Near the end of Kill Bill, Kwai Chang Caine delivers a mini-lecture about Superman and his secret identity. Clark Kent, he expounds, is Superman’s commentary on humanity: weak, indecisive, cowardly. I think he had it wrong, though.
Superman likes being Clark Kent. He likes being a reporter. After all, being a reporter is something he chose to do and something that can challenge him. If he can lift thousands of tons, it’s not because he studied hard and paid attention. He seems to like his family and friends - although he has only work friends.
And to do all this, he has to keep his identity a secret, since his mother would be in danger if people knew he was Superman, plus everybody at the Daily Planet would be asking him to open jars and stuff.
Batman has a different problem. After he puts on the cowl, he breaks the law a dozen times in a quiet night. We’ve seen Batman, in various incarnations, threaten suspects with grave bodily harm. No matter how strong your Stand Your Ground Law is, Batman entering private property without permission to beat up bad guys can’t be legal.
And the Batmobile does not have a license plate.
In this week’s matinee, Doctor Satan’s Robot, we meet Bob Wayne (no relation to Bruce), who is, secretly, The Copperhead. To hide his secret identity, he wears a sky mask that we are to pretend is chainmail.
As The Copperhead, Wayne fights Dr. Satan, who turns out to not be a good guy. Dr. Satan forces his henchmen to kill for him by using control disks that monitor and can kill them. He drugs his prisoners and turns them against their friends.
His most dastardly plot is use the terrifying robot he created to take over the country. I’m trying to only use pictures that I take for this blog, instead of just swiping them from the internet, and I don’t have one of the robot. Instead, imagine that the pans I’ve stacked are taller and have arms and legs.
Only one things stands in Dr. Satan's way - he can’t control the robot at a distance. Instead of inventing a way to do so, which he seems like he would be able to, based on everything else he invented, he spends the movie trying to steal a remote control cell from the good guys.
But The Copperhead is on the case, thwarting him at every turn. He punches Dr. Satan’s henchmen. He saves the good guys from Dr. Satan’s traps. He warns the good guys of Dr. Satan’s plans.
What I can’t figure out is why Wayne needed a secret identity in the first place. He’s not doing anything illegal, like Batman. As Wayne, he works with the DA and the police. They’re happy to have him around. They even take orders from him, although he doesn’t have a job, exactly.
He’s not protecting his family, since he has no family. The only friends he makes are they guys from the DA’s office. Sure, Dr. Satan might threaten these guys, including Wayne, but he already knows that they work with The Copperhead.
This movie was a re-cut of a serial from the 1940s, making 100 minute film out of a 12 episode series, which meant there were a few too many set pieces for a movie of this length.
One thing that this movie has was a room with a wall that closes in to crush Our Hero. This showed up in the Zorro serial from last year, making even less sense there than it did here. I wonder if this is a serial trope - the audience wouldn't be happy at all if they didn't get the trap room where the wall crushed somebody.
The robot in Forbidden Planet can still look cool today, and Gort can be kind of scary, but the walking hot water heater in this flick was only good for a laugh. At least it could install itself, I guess.
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